Chewbacca

Chewbacca is pictured in "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope."

With the announcement of Jake Kimberley stepping down from Penticton city council comes speculation on who will run to replace him in a byelection, tentatively scheduled for early June.

I offer these names for consideration and what they can bring to the council table.

Kyle Anderson (entertainer). His surname is a lot easier to spell than “Vassilaki.”

Richard Barkwill (elected Summerland official). They haven’t had him exiled yet to the Island of Elba. We still have time.

Chewbacca (wookiee). Loyal, skilled at chess and effective at crowd control, at the age of 200, “Chewie” would lower the average age on council.

Jeffer from Jeffer’s Fryzz. The valley would be renowned for grapes, cherries, apples ... and now potatoes.

Tina Lee (NDP provincial board member). Doug Holmes would be ineligible from running for city council.

Milo (dachshund). Improved dog parks. To avoid cleaning up pooh, meetings would be kept under three hours.

Peaches, from 70’s disco duo Peaches and Herb. She could headline our biggest festival — Peaches at the Peach Festival in the Peach City. Just peachy.

Loren Reagan (businessman). He could construct a dorm for hockey players on the site of SOEC overflow parking. On second thought, they tried that one already.

Mike Reno (Juno Hall of Famer). Maybe, just maybe, Loverboy would receive its long-overdue recognition from the City of Penticton.

Barb Sheppard (school board trustee). First, second and third readings, all at the same meeting, would be banned.

Ernie Slump (letters-to-the-editor semi-regular). French lessons are not required.

The guys from Trio (former operators of Skaha Marina). Aging elevators at City Hall could be replaced with waterslides, the parking lot converted to a putting green.

Vanilla Ice (hiphop artist). Like Coun. Katie Robinson, he too was popular in the ‘90s.

James Miller is managing editor and director of content at The Penticton Herald. This column is intended as satire — except for the part about Milo, he’d be an excellent city councillor. Sorry for so many inside jokes. We hope you got some of them.