Bee in Bonet

Bernie Bates is a columnist for Westside Weekly. Email:

Using our brains, humanity has survived ice ages, the dark ages and the stone. We lived by our wits and our grit on our never-ending march towards enlightenment.

It’s been a long damned rocky road, and as I look around, and flick the channels I see stupidity on a global scale.

Ants are better organized than our brightest politicians (oxymorons). Humans are making a bigger mess of our planet than a herd of elephants on ex-lax.

The virus hit the rich and poor alike — well that’s not reality-true — the rich can afford to stay at home and door-dash. The poorest are the homeless, the mentally challenged and the drug addicted, and in most cases all three at the same time.

If we as a society don’t acknowledge and care for these unfortunate human beings; the illness we now cower from, will remain like a hot ember in dry grass.

But out of the gloom came a bright idea from Dr. Bonnie Henry – a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.

She said we should stop the spread of disease and death, by extinguishing the virus for all of our citizens. To do this, her idea not only had to be brilliant, it had to make economic sense as well.

The idea: free drugs.

Would you like to be a drug addict? Would you like to wake up with the sweats, shaking and your body aching until you push that needle into your vein – sounds like fun, eh?

You can trust me when I say, shooting heroin feels like someone just poured a bucket of warm pleasure over you. Back in my rock and roll days; it was sex, drugs and rock and roll.

I was lucky enough to hit rock bottom and come up for air – a lot of my drug buddies didn’t get the choice – death took them much too young.

But back to our hero Dr. Bonnie, and her ray of enlightenment.

I want you to think of the time some jerk ripped you off; did you get mad and feel violated? If the fuzz did anything more than fill out a report, you’re lucky, and if they did recover your property you should buy a lottery ticket.

Stolen goods are a big racket, and like all successful businesses, repeat business is the key. When ‘druggies’ need a fix, they’ll do anything; they’d steal Jesus off the cross and go back for the nails.

Free drugs would solve that.

Clean ‘shooting galleries’ with safe zones to zone-out, and eventually they’ll change their minds – even junkies don’t want to be junkies.

The light at the end of the tunnel would be to eliminate diseases of all kinds, take the money away from crime and put it back into taxpayer’s pockets.

If the keystone cops can’t stop the war on drugs maybe the money could be better spent fighting societies real villains: poverty, mental issues and drug addiction.

Let’s recap: reduces disease, saves some mother’s kid from death, prevents some jerk from stealing your stuff, empties courtrooms and jails, takes money from crime and makes common sense.

The war on drugs has cost hundreds of billions of dollars, countless lives and it should anger you that you have funded it for decades.

You know who doesn’t like the doctor’s idea? Idiots, criminals, undertakers and little old ladies who think they live in the 1950s.

Bernie Bates resides in West Kelowna and is a regular contributor to Westside Weekly, a sister publication.